Ill Wind

I once had a whim and I had to obey it
To buy a French Horn in a second hand shop;
I polished it up and I started to play it
In spite of the neighbours who begged me to stop.

To sound my horn, I had to develop my embouchure;
I found my horn was a bit of a devil to play.
So artfully wound, to give you a sound
A beautiful sound so rich and round.

Oh, the hours I had to spend, before I mastered it in the end.

But that was yesterday and just today I looked in the usual place
There was the case but the horn itself was missing.

Oh, where could it have gone? Haven’t you – hasn’t anyone seen my horn?
Oh where could it have gone?
What a blow! Now I know, I’m unable to play my Allegro.

Who swiped my horn? I’ll bet you a quid, somebody did,
Knowing I’d found a concerto and wanted to play it,
Afraid of my talent for playing the horn.
Whoever it is I can certainly say it,
He’ll probably wish he had never been born.

I’ve lost my horn – I know I was using it yesterday.
I’ve lost my horn, lost my horn, found my horn…gone.
There’s not much chance of getting it back though I’d willingly pay a reward.

I know some hearty folk whose party jokes pretending to hunt with the Quorn ,
Gone away! Gone away! Was it one of them took it away?
Will you kindly return my horn? Where is the devil who pinched that horn?
I shall tell the police I want my French Horn back.

I miss its music more and more and more.
Without the horn I’m feeling sad and so forlorn.

I found a concerto, I wanted to play it
Displaying my talent for playing the horn.
But early today to my utter dismay it has totally vanished away.
I practised my horn and intended to play it but somebody took it away.
I practised the horn and was longing to play it but somebody took it away.

My neighbour’s asleep in his bed.
I’ll soon make him wish he were dead.
I’ll take up the tuba instead!
Wah, Wah!

Michael Flanders and Donald Swann

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